Letter from Mary Francis Reilly

Hello, Austin Home for Boys readers. My name is Mary Francis Reilly and I am the director for the 14^th District Austin Boy’s Orphanage. It is a special home filled with special children, each with something to say, something very valuable to voice. It is in that spirit that I announce the commencement of a project very near and dear to my heart, something I have been working on for many years. With the help of this blogsite, the 14^th DABO will bring you selected writings from the children in-residence. The boys will be posting their thoughts, their poetry, and their expressions. We will try our best to update the entries each and every week, so please remember to come back and see what our boys have been up to. Trust me, they have lots to say. I’d also like to add that for many souls in this world, love is hard to come by. Our boys know this. They hope to help. If our words and thoughts heal, in anyway, anyone who reads, anyone who cares, then God bless and let us know. The boys would be more than proud. So please, come make a home here with us. After all, that’s what we’re about, uniting happy families since 1954.

Sincerely,

Mary F. Reilly

Crazy Dangerous Bust Your Shit Open D&D Moves

Here is a picture of a smoked brisket that has a Maine lobster in a figure-4 leg lock. Lobster is for women, homosexuals, and French people. I keep trying to tell Dan this, but he keeps insisting that it's not true, and saying that "flip-flops are for poor people," in an attempt to change the subject. It was a nice try, but then I was able to get him to sprinkle that carcinogenic lemon-lime salt into his lone star tall boy. That will suffice, for now. We will sick the brisket death on those ipod theives. I can hear the deuce dropping in their pantaloons right now.



In order to better describe how well we did last week during Gentleman's Gaming Club Night on October 22nd I have uploaded this diagram which I executed with just an ordinary Bic Pen and some Prismacolor colored pencils which I recently purchased. X marks the spot where we fucked up those Goblin/Hobgoblin bitches.

poorly rendered penis

Right now I am reading the King-Cat Classix by John Porcellino. He does the really bad type drawings that jeffrey brown does, but he's been doing them longer. he has really crazy looking penises on these cartoon dudes. He also does the illustrate-your-dream toons that I find a little more interesting than poems about your dreams.

This makes me want to do a really bad comic about working at the museum. i may try it. You know, I don't have enough things to do in the first place.

House

While on my extended vacation leaf-peeping in new England, I read Josh Simmon's graphic novel "House." It's one of the many books published by Fantagraphics and up for various awards.

Anyway, the book follows 3 teenagers as they explore an old mansion. Ever seen that YouTube video where the Russian Guy Jackie-Chans through an abandoned apartment complex in St. Petersburg? Well this story is kind of like that. Two young ladies, one gothy, one waspy, and a dorky kinda looking dude with headlamps and backpacks start exploring an amazingly complex house. They roof walk across mansion and find a quarry where other smaller houses have been swallowed by the water. The scene is pretty stunning. That's the happy part. Just about when they are in the dark tunnel descending a staircase you think, "Is that staircase going to hold their weight" is when all the hell breaks loose.

The art in the book is well rendered and intricately interesting. Simmon's creates a beautiful and sinister setting for our poor explorers. It took about 20 minutes to follow the wordless story, which kinda disappointed me. I wanted to spend more time with the characters, but oh well, maybe the story was just so compelling I had to read it fast.

Anyway, don't go in there without a rope.

NO PROGRESS THIS WEEK SORRY.

Dungeons and Dragons Delay Due to Dan's Deliquent Departure

For the BB Gun Boys

Dan said post more pictures. So I am 'cause his name is Dan Boehl. -JB

Lobsta; To the Kids Who Broke into My House and Stole My iPod.

I ate real maine lobsta tonight in Maine. Take that, bbq. I'll give you pictures once I get back to texas and it will make you cry into your shiner, bbq.

On an unrelated note, if you are the drug head kids that broke into my house yesterday and stole my gen 3 iPod and $40 dollars in change (why did you pick out the matches) you should listen to the Smashing Pumpkins live from the Orpheum in Boston show I downloaded on the recomendation of Kinsey while you are high on the glue or gold spray paint that I bought you with my iPod. Anna bought me that iPod for Valentine's Day 4 years ago, you goo droppers. I hope the paint makes you sterile and your friend accidently pushes you out of the Pontiac while you are making a getaway after stealing some veteran's SS check. Really, I hope you die.

Campaign.02 or Can everyone say level up?

10/23/07


Last night was amazing. I don’t know that I will be able to recount all of the details due complexity of the adventure. Let me just say that the experience points we got last night were well deserved and hard earned.

The evening began with our prayers being answered. Yes, the great Jonathan Marshall graced us with his presence and let me tell you that his actions last night earned him his chosen name, Flame, no matter how dumb that name is.

The action begins with Molotov telling the holy trio from last week (Russell, Cibo and Roget) of a group of hobgoblins and goblins that are fortified and causing problems in an area to the north. He tells them to go forth and defeat the evil. They agree and head north after gearing up.

On the trail to the north they ran into a young Druid named Flame. They asked him if he has any knowledge as to the whereabouts of the group of Hobgoblins and their minions.
Flame says he has seen them in a fortress a short distance from where the group was and agreed to take them there. What was three then becomes four.

The foursome headed up through a heavily forested area until they were within in sight of the goblin fortress. Under cover they could spot two large hobgoblins and four average goblins. Each was armed to the teeth. At this point the goblins were completely unaware of the four heroes so the group decided to try a surprise ranged attack. Cibo being the only one with a weapon capable of reaching the goblin fortress drew back his bow and shot an arrow at one of the two hobgoblins. The arrow glanced off the hobgoblins shield doing little damage to anything more than the safety of there location. Luckily from where the goblin gang was they could only see Flame. Completely unaware that he was not the only attacker all six villains came charging toward the band of adventurers.

Still beyond the range of magic or melee weapons Russell and Roget could only prepare their attacks and wait. And wait they did until just the right moment and then Whammo!!! Russell hit the goblins with a color spray spell. Hitting the two hobgoblins and one of the smaller goblins and stopping them dead in their tracks. Quickly Roget hit the bigger of the two hobgoblins with a coup de tas using his long sword. The aggressive attack killed the hobgoblin instantly and at that very instant the newest member of the group cast an entangle spell calling forth the foliage and trapping the entire evil quintet in thick vines, grass and brush. At this point finishing them off was no problem and Cibo even got to make good by shooting one of the goblins through the eye. In addition Russell used acid splash very effectively melting the lower half of the remaining hobgoblin and Flame killed another goblin using his antler ended cudgel. Victory. Now on to the spoils. Many weapons and including a long sword and a number of javelins were divided among the group; there was also some gold and better armor. Even little Cibo got some armor. Cute.

The group decided that they should investigate the fortress for other loot. Once at the door Roget sensed a booby-trap just past the archway. He sprung the pendulum knife and let the large blade swing to a stop. They then entered the fortress following Russell’s newly introduced ‘familiar’ (his animal companion, like a raven or a rabbit). Russell’s familiar happened to be a toad. He used the same spell he used last week on the chicken to make a mobile light source.

About 50 feet into the cavernous space they could see that the space split into 3 chambers. There was one that went down to their left with a huge hole in it. The band of adventurers decided to explore the chamber to the right due the fact that there was a horrible stink coming from the main chamber straight ahead. The found that the chamber did not go very far and at the end they found 3 locked chests.
After a ridiculous number of attempts Roget was able to bash one of the chests open finding a nice set of metal armor. This bumped his armor class up to 19. Sweet, yes sweet indeed. Finding they could not open the other two chests they decided to head back and see what that stink was all about in the main chamber.

Suddenly to the left a blue boggle with threw something them and then teleported away. It was at this moment the group realized that a large monster called an otyugh was in the room with them. They decided that they should attack the beast. At first it seemed hopeless. Neither Cibo nor Russell was able to inflict any severe damage, luckily with a couple of high roles Roget and Flame brought the beast to its knees (or whatever this thing had that was like knees). It was a combined effort that would not have been possibly with out all members in the fight. In a lucky twist the keys to the other chests were found in the guts of the otyugh. While heading back to open them the boggle reappeared holding a satchel, Cibo quickly pulled back his bow and hit the boggle wounding it enough to make it retreat and drop the satchel that contained quite a bit of gold. More gold was discovered in the remaining chests. They bounty was divided evenly among all members.

Success again. This weeks adventure has proven that you can trust new friends. (Especially if you are graced with a ‘Sense Motive’ feat like myself that way no one can catch you off guard.) We will all be buy spells first thing next week so that should be exciting. Much was learned and we all leveled up. So now we are all second level.

It should be mentioned that DM, Sean’s girlfriend, Cait, really spiced things up with this weeks matt play by doing illustrations on the matt as thing appeared. Just great.

Incredible Changbots

An awesome thing happened at work yesterday: Nadia left a copy of Incredible Changebots at the Front Desk.

It's a comic by Jeffrey Brown, and this time Jeffrey is using markers and characters that aren't him and and all the women he sleeps with.

This book chronicles the 2 party system of the Awesomebots and the Fantasticons. I can't wait to read the adventures of these things.

Paintings on the Move

I am leaving the visual arts. Every painting I have ever created must go. This is a give away (or you can pay me for my work). I want to see art enthusiasts happy. If you dig these paintings I have more. Respond to this post MF's or e-mail me at barnyardrecords@gmail.com.

Trail of Beers

Casey told me about this guy's blog. He makes me a laff and laff for no reason except he is a crazy person, and I find that funnie.

trailofbeers.blogspot.com

Maybe he can be our mascot, or something to aspire to. Like the mickey mouse club.

Here is another idea: a website called loversoffinewineandwhiskey.blogspot.com. It is a blogspot for yuppies.

A dillion in Hobgobblin Gold: Leveling Up: lvl 2

So, Peter will give us the blow by blow rundown on the campaign we waged last night, but the long and short of it is that the fearless band of warriors slaughtered a bunch of hobgoblins and raked in a dillion in hobgoblin gold.

BTW, Jonathan Marshall has the magic touch when it comes to rolling the bones, so he was a welcomed addition to the fearless band.

In a strange twist of fortune, PJ's rolling skills have been devolving over the last couple of weeks. It either has to do with the amount of art he had been making or his masturbation schedule. But he has been wearing some newly pillaged banded mail and is unstoppable.

In the service of full disclosure, I have to admit my rolling has always been terrible, as evinced by my 3 hitpoints. Doo doo.

Kurt finally bought Magic Missile. Hopefully it will be a big improvement over Ocean Spray, which cured the UTI of a vicious hobgoblin.

Campaign.02 or What happens after that?

I know it seems like a lot everyone but we had some scheduling stuff in the last couple of weeks, so yes we are playing D&D 2 times in 5 days. From here on out Monday night is the regular schedule and you can check in on the action probably by Wed . I am sure you are all chomping at the bit to hear about our adventures. Tonight we were supposed to have a 5th member, Cy, but now I don't think he is coming. But it finally happened, that is right!! Jonathan "T.H.A.B." Marshall will be in attendance. I think he was worried about losing his "core" status and I don't think he likes his new nickname very much. So we'll see he may change to T.W.A.B. or That Whole Ass Bitch.
Other exciting news is that Kurt Mueller and myself, Peter Johansen went to "the lair" today and purchased minis for ourselves and Dan. Look Wed. for pics. Okay it is almost 7 and we decided to start a little early tonight.
Adventure Ho!!!!!!
Love,
PoJo

Campaign .01 or How the peasants got their grain back.

Tonight the Austin Home for Boys began our first campaign with our first guest DM, Sean. Accompanying Sean was Kate, his GF, who is quite new to Austin. So this was her first AHfB experience! Too bad Jonathan couldn't join us. Apparently he was too busy making art. Sooooo pedestrian.

Here is Peter's take on our first experience of the DnD unlocking the imagination of our characters. Any problems in perspective are caused by PJ and PJ alone:

A Paladin’s Perspective

Last night kicked off the first campaign of our Gentlemen’s Gaming Club. Oh let me tell you the tale of our adventure towards RPG adventure.

At first it looked like we were not going to get a thing done again and sit around trying to decipher the plethora of rules in the Dungeons and Dragons Player’s Handbook alone again. Until last night our progress in towards adventure had stalled out due to the confusion about the assigning of skill points and how that translates into abilities, hit points blah, blah, blah. We had posted an ad on Craigslist about a week ago looking for a skilled DM (Dungeon Master) to help our group crack these codes. To our surprise we got a great many replies from people eager to help us ‘newbies’ out in our quest for RPG adventure. From the ten or so candidates we selected Don Webb.

I know you are all thinking, “No way! There is no way that THE Don Webb is going to waste his time with these nobodies.” Yes, we really had Don Webb. (For those of you not aware of Don Webb’s D&D cred check him out on the Internet, you can use the google on your computer.)

Unfortunately Don Webb was tired last night and we lost him.

Luckily I received an email from another potential DM just at that moment and gave him a call. His name was Sean and he had two questions, “Could he bring his girlfriend and would there be free ice cream and cookies?” I gladly agreed to both of his needs.


So at 8:30 P.M. on October 17, 2007 our Gentlemen’s Gaming Club assembled for the first time under the tutelage of a skilled Dungeon Master. (Of course we were missing the 4th member of the group, JonathanMarshall, due to his fledgling art career…something about an art opening on Saturday that I suppose you should all go to.)


The action kicked off with a lot of math and paper work, much of which was expedited by our new DM’s thorough knowledge of the race, class and how the skill points breakdown for each member of our group.

Maybe at this point I should just lay this out there flat. The core members of our Gentlemen’s Gaming Club are Dan Boehl, Kurt Mueller, myself, Peter Johansen and Jonathan Marshall. The race/class breakdown looks like this…

Dan Boehl Halfling Ranger 1st level

Kurt Mueller Half Elf Wizard 1st level

Peter Johansen Elf Paladin 1st level

Jonathan Marshall∗ Human Druid
∗Remember Jonathan Marshall hasn’t been toiling with our group for weeks and his ‘core member’ status is in jeopardy as it is. In short I don’t feel comfortable calling him 1st level until he has completed the paper work that we all had to complete.

Campaign .01 began with the Halfling Ranger, Cibo/Dan Boehl finding an unconscious naked elf in a ditch. After reviving the elf/Peter it soon became clear that this being had no memory of his identity, yes…amnesia. Cibo then supplied his naked amnesiac friend with a chicken (I will explain later why he has a chicken) to cover his privates with and they headed off to the nearest town with the hope of maybe finding someone who knew something about the elf/Peter.
Once the duo hit town they quickly ran into an aspiring young wizard named Russell Stover/Kurt. The Halfling and wizard had some brief prior dealings and it occurred to Cibo that Russell maybe able to help with the amnesiac elf problem.
Russell was on his way to a local pub to find an older wizard named Molotov in hopes of becoming his apprentice, but he agreed to help the duo upon completion of this task. Now forming a beautiful trio they all headed towards the pub. On the way Russell took pity on the naked elf and gave him enough money to purchase a tunic.
The three entered the pub and inquired with the bartender as to the where they might find Moldy. The bartender pointed the back corner of the bar. Russell decided he should approach the elder wizard alone so the the confident Paladin decided to try get involved with some betting that was going on around an arm wrestling table in hopes of getting enough money to arm and further clothe himself. He had 2 coppers to gamble with and lost them both in quick, if not embarresing succession. The elf although unusually strong for his race was not in good form and although he could not remember for certain he assumed it was due to lack of a recent meal.
In a turn of luck at that moment he caught the glint of a gold piece that had fallen under the bar and quickly retrieved it. Stealing a bar tip, is not in the usual moral reprotoire of a Paladin, but then again this fellow didn’t remember that. This afforded him one more opportunity to try to gain some supplies. He bet and this time was the victor in a match of wrestling arms. He acquired a short sword and used part of the gold piece to get a basic set of clothing. Engorded again with confidence, he made another unnecessary display of reckless judgement, betting once more and, for the third time in almost as many tries, proved himself lacking.
Meanwhile Russell Stover, the aspiring half elf wizard, was asking Moldolf if he would take on Russell as an apprentice. The elder wizard agreed to take on the young wizard as an apprentice for one year at the cost of 75 gold pieces. (Russell had to “borrow” 15 GP from Cibo the halfing ranger.) In addition Russell was instructed to acquire a spell book and given a mission that he was advised to take his two acquaintances on.
It seems a gang of 5 goblins had infiltrated a village to the north and were terrorizing the peasants there as well as stealing the grain that fed the village. In fact most of the inhabitants had left the region due the goblin problem. The three agreed to the mission and set out North after filling there bellies with fine Indian delicacies and getting a good night’s rest.
It did not take them as long as they thought to get near the village. They soon ran into a family of villagers who claimed to be the last to leave. The peasants were asked if they knew the location of said goblins. Although they weren’t certain the peasants suspected that the goblins were residing in a cave behind the village since they were seen there after the last grain raid. The peasants were eager to move on so they said their good byes and left.
Let me take a moment here to let you know that the mysterious elf was having a lot of ‘feelings’, like unspecific flashes of memory and it came to him that his name was Roger. He was not certain how he knew this, he just did. He also thought it might be pronounced, “Row-jay,” as to suggest Frankish origins.
Our band of would be goblin gutters headed fearlessly towards the entrance of the cave.
Arriving at the cave entrance the group made the wise decision was foolish to head into such a dark cave that was possibly inhabited by 5 goblins. I guess I have failed to make clear that the group still have that trusty chicken. See Cibo comes from a family of Halfling chicken farmers/racers, so he really never goes anywhere without being followed by or bringing a chicken. On this journey that novelty has proven to be useful once and now the wizard, Russell decided to cast a spell that turned the chicken in to a source of blinding light. They then followed the two-legged lantern into the darkness of the cave.
Before long they came to a large chamber and stopped. The eyes of the goblins reflected in the light of the chicken. Immediately---whoa, whoa, whoa, what really happened next was Stover cast “hypnotize,” immobilizing all but one of the gobs. Taking advantage of this situation, as well as the next four or five turns in a row, the elf Roger attacked and with seven or eight quick swipes, which translated into three three dead goblins (again, he wasn’t sure if he hadn’t eaten in a long time and whether or not this was affecting his form). The fourth counter attacked and slices a large gash in Roger’s arm. Luckily, Cibo was ready with his trusty bow and shot the goblin dead directly through eye. Boo-yah! Russell wanted to get in on the action (or realzing it was his tuen) and quickly cast a magical acid splash on the final goblin, staining the floor of the cave with its entrails and dangling it within in an inch of his life. Roger finished the wounded goblin off with his short sword and that was it. The group had come out the victors in their first battle. And you know what? They made a pretty good team. Yes, a pretty good team indeed, richer not only in gold pieces, and goblin trinkets, but yes, character, team sprirt, and gentlemanly respecting. Roger got the feeling that maybe the meeting of the three had not been a mistake at all.
They found the grain and headed back to town the let the peasants know it was safe to return to the village. What about the hobgoblin over yonder?
Stay tuned people. This is the real deal. There will be weekly adventures and this is going to be better that dancing with the stars. I promise.

List of Current Projects

Here is the current list of projects and proposed projects for the Austin Home for Boys:

(in no particular order)
1. Make Mr. Hamburger T Shirts
2. Wage mad DnD campaigns with guest DMs
3. Build potato guns
4. Longest potato gun shot competition
5. Brush burning
6. BB gun biathalon
7. Canoe jousting
8. Water melon sling shot
9. BMX jumping into lake Travis

The Austin Home For Boys

Dear Boys,

This place is for awesome, totally awesome, and the awesome handed down by god.

I wonder what the first project will be?

Dinny le Riche